she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
