I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
