How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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