K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It was like giving head to a cactus.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
