she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
