Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
