Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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