Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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