I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
