Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
