You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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