Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
