You really coming over, don't trick.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
