The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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