I faked an abortion last night.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
