I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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