hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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