I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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