Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
