How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize