so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
