she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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