I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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