If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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