mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize