I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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