we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
