I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
