Only a mothe r could love this liver
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
