It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
