There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Im part way to drunk.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
