I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
