His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
