i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
