Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
