Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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