my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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