textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
