ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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