just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
