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• (415): View more from California

  I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?

  (512): View more from Texas

  Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.

  (415): View more from California

  Watch for tornadoes.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks

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• (845): View more from New York

  you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.

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• (979): View more from Texas

  Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?

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• (863): View more from Florida

  The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.

  (352): View more from Florida

  Worth it.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on

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