the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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