my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
