I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
