You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
