he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
