Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
