you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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