its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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