Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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