Who wears a wallet chain?!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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