I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
