So drunk its hurt
Buhtt sex?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
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