Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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