I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
