Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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