we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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