She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
