if you like me you must not know who I am
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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