i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
