Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
