there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
