Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
