based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
