So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize